tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3764517747466990977.post7921361063197410513..comments2023-10-22T02:14:54.898-07:00Comments on A Writer's Life: Latest Version of My Critical IncidentSherryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101707912607755656noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3764517747466990977.post-37511106920045403132007-07-17T06:22:00.000-07:002007-07-17T06:22:00.000-07:00Girl, you got style down pat! Every word was chos...Girl, you got style down pat! Every word was chosen which such care that the images are cleanly executed in the mind of this reader. I especially enjoyed the description of your portable. I've been there, sista! <BR/><BR/>In terms of sentence variety--you've got that too! Sentences flow together without repetitious beginnings, adding a short sentence here and there for emphasis. (i.e. SPLAT. Not a pretty picture.)<BR/><BR/>Thank you. I learned a lot about style from reading your work, though I'm not sure that was the intent of this editing assignment. :)Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09825688643602287072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3764517747466990977.post-70080096270222106862007-07-16T21:27:00.000-07:002007-07-16T21:27:00.000-07:00Your writing is vivid and beautifully descriptive....Your writing is vivid and beautifully descriptive. However, I feel that you digress from the subject at hand, which is the student (writing about the building issues, what Steinbeck intended). I think you have material for two or three essays here, and it's all interesting !ginny's worldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03562224367701399920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3764517747466990977.post-18997081418734508342007-07-16T18:20:00.000-07:002007-07-16T18:20:00.000-07:00Sherri, I will use the questions on the rubric to ...Sherri, I will use the questions on the rubric to stay focused.<BR/><BR/>_ Does the writing make sense? Yes, the prose is clear and easily understood after the first reading.<BR/><BR/>_ Is the problem well-developed and clearly written?<BR/>You developed the problem in great depth,providing numerous examples to show your frustration with meeting Dixie's intellectual needs.<BR/><BR/>_ Is the solution clearly written so<BR/>the problems are solved in a logical way?<BR/>Part of your frustration lie in that you were not able to solve the problem. n that regard, the essay read more as a series of vignettes, ratherr thana narrative.<BR/><BR/>_ Do you need to cut or add writing<BR/>to make it better? I think you could cut a paragraph or two. For example, the paragraph beginning with "The beige, metal building . . . ' adds nothing to the understanding or solutionof the problem.<BR/>I also wqould like to hear Dixie's analysis of the final Grapes of Wrath scene.<BR/>I think some of the paragraphs would benefit from connecting phrases or transitions because they don't appear linked. Example: Going from "almost orphaned child." to "The musty, dusty smell of paper . . ."<BR/><BR/>Final note: What I think would improve an already good piece of writing is to provide descriptive, concrete examples of Dixie's brilliance. You really don't get to that until the end. I really want to know more about her, so I can understand the depth of the problem better. I enjoyed it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09336705752662115738noreply@blogger.com